so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
