A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
