Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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