What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
