My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
