I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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