Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
