could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize