somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
