I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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