I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
