So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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