does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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