Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
