So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
