dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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