If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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