She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
