We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This baby is an asshole
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
