So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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