Me too!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
