dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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