I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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