I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
