So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
