i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
