this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
