He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
