So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize