that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
