I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
