Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
