I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
