He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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