If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
