I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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