I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
