Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
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