dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
