I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize