After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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