i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
