Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
