GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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