T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
