Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
