The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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