Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
