textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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