You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
