I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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