i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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