I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
