Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
