Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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