Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
