what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
