her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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