and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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