Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
