'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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