Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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