please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
