Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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