She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
