Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
