She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
