so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize