I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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