Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
