I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
