The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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