ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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