walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
