fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
