Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
