whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize