u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
