WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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