let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
