Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
