you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
