dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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