I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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