Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
