You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
