She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
