So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
