I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
