i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
