She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
