Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
