And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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