I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
