I met the friendliest cop last night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
