forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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