Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
