there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
