I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
