im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
