she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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