She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
